Written by: Daisy Simonis
It’s a horrible feeling not knowing what to say.
To feel like it’s tough making friends because you’re an introvert, hate small talk and become drained in groups.
Something I wish I had learned years ago that would have expedited my confidence, skills, and knowledge in social situations as an introvert was knowing that:
The first step to connecting with others is to reconnect with your authentic introverted self.
That means taking back your self-worth and being proud of your introversion.
Learning to see the word “introvert” as a broad description rather than a diagnosis stops it becoming a limiting identity label and turns it into an exploration into new ways of living, being, and communicating that suit you.
And — I cannot emphasise this enough — there is nothing wrong with you.
The way you are, how you communicate, the craving need to conserve your energy — there is nothing wrong with that.
In fact, knowing your limits in social situations is a massive advantage. If you know after 30 minutes on a video call you start to lose energy, it empowers you to take steps to mitigate this.
By embracing the introverted part of your personality, you will be amazed at how the world – and the people around you – open to you.
Allowing your alone time to energise (before you socialise) is key to connecting easily when you are with other people.
Socialising is best done on a full energy tank. If possible, take some time before social situations to increase your energy levels. Even 10-15 minutes can make all the difference. Knowing what brings you joy and energy means you can integrate more of it into your life.
Finally, use small talk as a tool to dive into interesting conversation.
Emotional conversations are easier for those of us who are introverts.
By swapping out the mundane small talk questions and focusing on the other person, it reduces our anxiety.
Conversation openers that spark pleasure—such as, “What was the highlight of your day?”—tend to spur enjoyable, memorable encounters.
And you know when you’ve found someone’s passion because their eyebrows tend to rise up and they lean in, and they will happily talk for ages about it.
Having strategies with meaning have been found to create relationships with people who were more likely to follow up and engage.